OK, after being verbally abused about not posting by several people (thanks, I needed it!), Im writing again.

I anticipated forgetting to write as I never wrote a diary or blog consistently before. But two months break is inexcusable, so sorry!

Over the past two months I have traveled to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Phuket and Krabi, Thailand, Cambodia, and Hong Kong and Macau. I also went home and saw my friends and family in the US.

Traveling was everything I dreamed of. I also realized that maybe a life of traveling living abroad is not what I want for my life. I had always thought that I want to live two years here or there. To see everything in the world. But, after having seen many places I realize what I want most is just to meet more people, and to hang out with the people that I meet.

When I was in Cambodia, I met some great Khmer friends. I learned so much from that country- like how to see the good in life through really difficult circumstances. I wouldnt trade my experience there for anything. The thing that made that trip so great was the people though! Being there with my friends made it so much better!

Im having trouble posting pictures on my computer so Im not sure if ill be able to post- but I will try.

One thing I dont like about studying abroad is having to start all over every semester- there are some people that are still here, thank god! I guess I just start I would have all this energy to travel and explore- that i would have endless curiousity, however, when you live abroad you have to life! And that means that you get tired, you get homesick and you miss things.

Im so glad that I am able to appreciate the things that I take for granted. Both by seeing cultures that arent as blessed and maybe spoiled like how I live, and those things that you dont realize how much you love before you leave them.

Im going to tell a story... I havent told this story to anyone yet. Most of my stories I usually perfect after a while. Like what doesnt get a laugh gets scraped. But this story isnt funny, I dont think. Its probably anything but...

I arrived in Phnom Penh Cambodia. After taking a tuk-tuk (an open door cart pulled by a motocycle), I saw the most devastating poor country I have ever personally seen. Trash filled the streets. Trash and people coexist- as many live in the trash on the side of the street. There wasnt much infrastructure, something I didnt expect. In most southeast asian countries there are usually buildings- even if they are falling down. Phomn Penh, just had nothing.

This city once had 3 million people. Intellectuals and businesswomen and men. After Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge genocide- the city after three years of murderous actions had 40,000 people left. It is slowly rebuilding.

I went outside this city about an hour and half to Oudong Mnt. Here, my tuk tuk driver- So Phan- waited as three boys ran up to me and insisted on giving me a tour. I knew that i had only a ten in my pocket. There was no way I could give one a ten dollar bill, and nothing to the others- I was stressed. I tried to make it seems as if I could do things on my own- I wouldnt let them help me with things as if that would justify not giving them the ten. I thought to myself that "Im on a budget. Ten dollars is a lot of money. What will they do with this money?" every con when through my head, anyway to justify not paying this forced tour.

at the end of visiting mountain temples- which were beautiful- they pleaded with me for money for school. english school is extra, and they needed to get out of the poverty there family was in. However, unlike most of the beggars in Cambodia (children as young as three begging for money because their parents make them) these boys were 18, 16, and 15. Not too much younger than myself. If I pleaded for money from my peers I would be mortified, but these boys didnt see the shame. I ended up giving them a little money- not the ten.

I am so ashamed.

Its not what I wanted- but sometimes when we are faced with the choice to give money, and the knowledge that most use it for purposes we wouldnt approve of, we choose to turn away. Im not going to turn away any more. What they do with the money is up to them- between them and God. But as an American I am richer than any of those poor boys I saw. Even though I am really a poor college student using his whole savings to see SE Asia, what harm is ten dollars. Thats only one hour of work for me. That money they may not see for a whole week!

My friend Sarah and I walked through the killing fields where millions were killed in three years in the 70s- and a boy came up to us a walked 50 meters with us begging for money. He was four. I almost died. We just walked away in silence.

Cambodia challenge me more than I probably ever will know. But it also but joy to my heart.

After I walked away from that Mountain temple at Oudong- I went back to my tuk tuk driver and we explored all over that area. We walked into local temples. I was the only tourist for maybe a hundred miles.

I was in paradise. We ate a long house that had hammocks lined up to sit on- and then the cook would bring you your food- I sat and couldnt believe where I was!

When we left- we drove by the station with the boys- even though they had been mad that I only gave them less money- they still waved and smiled at me. This is what cambodia is like- happiness through devastating poverty.

I was humbled and changed.

That is only one story- there are many more. Many more faces out there waiting for us to help them.

Study abroad has taught me that people matter most.